Honesty; Is it the Best Policy in Relationships?

Photo by Artem Beliaikin from Pexels

Let us be honest, we have all been dishonest in one way or the other – see what I did there!

It is like we have been conditioned to become a tad dishonest in most of the things we do in life. I dare you to count on your fingers the people in your circle whose honesty you can vouch for - with absolute certainty. I bet you won’t make it to the second hand.

Now, imagine that your spouse does not meet your scales of honesty. It’s scary, right?

Everyone wants to build relationships with honest people. The emphasis on honesty increases as the interaction becomes more close-knit.

Therefore, dating, marriage, and family ties should exhibit the highest levels of honesty to survive.

At times, when browsing social media platforms, I come across sentiments like;

"Blood does not define family, loyalty does."

"Keep your inner circle small"

"God protect me from my friends because I can take care of my enemies"

All these statements point to the dwindling levels of honesty in society to a great extent, which should be a reason for great concern because relationships based on mistrust and dishonesty are bound to fail in the long run.

Imagine this, you are dating a handsome man (or vice versa). You feel deeply attracted to the individual. You have been seeing each other for some time and think that the relationship is ripe for another level.

Only that there is one slight problem. On your first date, he mentioned that he had a law degree, but you have since learned that he only did some units that covered law in college. Some other details have been off.

For example, one day he met someone of the opposite sex and casually mentioned that it was a cousin. You learned later that the person was an 'ex' and had dated your spouse for almost a year.

Another time, your partner failed to pick up your calls all night. As a concerned girlfriend, you went to his residence early in the morning - because you have to get to work by 8 am. He is fine but surprised that you passed by. Claims that he worked late and could not respond to calls.

You wish him a good day as you kiss him on the cheek, but as you are leaving, you see a fresh stamp at the back of his hand. It’s evident that he has been out the whole night.

That day, you feel doubtful about what he has ever told you. Your trust in him gets to the tipping point. Does he ever tell any truth? Can he be trusted to spend a life of eternal bliss with you?

The answer; Hell No!

Nobody wants to be with a dishonest person. Funny enough, dishonest people also loathe their fellow beings in the kingdom of liars. I don’t know if it has something to do with the magnetism law - Unlike poles attract while like ones repel.

A relationship requires a lot of investment in terms of feelings, solid resources, and time. If someone is kind enough to share every aspect of their life, I don’t think its too much to ask for absolute honesty in return.
Indeed, honesty is the best policy and this is why;

Dishonesty is fraud
The dictionary defines honesty as 'someone’s behavior or character.' This means that when we do not practice the virtue, we are fronting a false character. We are simply frauds.

Some time back, we had an office meeting and a colleague termed fraud as "a crime based on trust". A definition never hit home better.

If we are in a relationship with someone, we want them to love us for what we are. We also want to love them for what they are without them being pretentious or altering their characters for convenience.

Sadly, if we are dishonest, people will love, grow fond of, and engage a fake persona. When they realize that we are not who we portray to be, they bolt for the sake of their sanity and well-being.

This means that dishonest people never create permanent relationships because they are always banished by their partners due to their fraudulent lifestyles.

Dishonesty corrupts good morals
The Bible states that bad company corrupts good morals. This is true in all measures.

In this case, dishonesty is bad company. If you make it your everyday friend, you have no other way but to become an undesirable partner.

Interestingly, we can fall into dishonesty by starting with small lies that will develop into fully-blown relationship-threatening deeds.

For example, if a spouse calls and you are dishonest about where you are – maybe you are with a friend that is not in her good books - you make her vulnerable to an attack from that person. It shows him (the friend) that you are not serious about her or do not respect her enough to tell her the truth.

Furthermore, it erodes your conscience, making it easier to be dishonest in the future.

Honesty from the onset, therefore, cements the character of truthfulness and reduces the chances of one’s indulgence in the vice.

Honesty bores freedom
When we are honest, we become free beings.

Dishonesty, on the other hand, breeds secrets and anxiety. We are constantly thinking of the possible repercussions if our partners found out that we lied.

Dishonest people are always alert and mindful of what they say lest they let their fake character becomes known to those around them. It is like being in jail that you cannot come out of because if you do, you lose everything you have.

Just like shielding a stack of cards against a strong wind. Thus, such individuals do not have an alternative other than continue living in fake characters unless they decide to come clean and shed all their dishonest dealings.

Honesty has a way of bringing a much-desired form of freedom in the relationship. Your partner knows that you are being truthful and has no compulsion whatsoever to play detective on your gadgets or similar activities that spell distrust.

You are free to spend 20 minutes in the shower without worrying that your spouse will go through your phone and see your collection of areolas in Google photos app — a fetish you have harbored since high school,

From having to think a second longer on your responses because you do not want to bungle the half-truths you have peddled over time,

And free from panic and anxiety attacks, when you realize that you are about to get caught — when truth is inevitable like the proverbial fate.


So, yes. Honesty is the best policy, both in romantic relationships and other types of interactions.

If you have been dishonest, it’s time to come clean and unleash your freedom as you capitalize on your relationship, rightfully.

I write about Communications, Social behavior, Psychology, and occasionally, on random subjects.